| 1. | Ask people on the elevator if they've seen the first part of the movie Speed. |
| 2. | Push all the floor buttons. At every floor, get out, look around, mutter, ``Looks okay so far,'' and get back in. |
| 3. | Put notices in the elevators that read ``Last Inspection: Passed. Next Inspection Due: Jan 87'' |
| 4. | Use physics to determine how fast the elevator will be going if it free-falls from the top floor. |
| 5. | Countdown ``5...4...3...2...1'' and then suddenly duck. |
| 6. | Get on the elevator at the top floor and ask, ``Going down?'' |
| 7. | Keep muttering, ``I hope it doesn't happen again...'' |
| 8. | Have a friend with you, but act like he's a complete stranger. After a while, turn to him and say, ``Wanna trade?''
Then promptly trade wallets. |
| 9. | Replace the 3 on the third floor button with the Greek letter pi. |
| 10. | Put on a crash helnet, and take one of those mini-trampolines into an elevator. Stand on the trampoline, then say to a
friend holding the emergency phone, ``Ok, Dave, I'm ready. Let 'er RIP!'' (This doesn't quite make sense, but hey,
you can't have everything.) |
| 11. | Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, ``Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!'' |
| 12. | Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. |
| 13. | When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by
themselves. |
| 14. | Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral. |
| 15. | Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose. |
| 16. | Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope. |
| 17. | Announce in a demonic voice, ``I must find a more suitable host body.'' |
| 18. | Wear ``X-Ray Specs'' and leer suggestively at other passengers. |
| 19. | Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask, ``Got enough air in there?'' |